Clear Blurry Vision

If there was a theme for the year 2020 it seemed to be “vision” – 20/20 vision, but that perfectly clear vision became extremely blurred when COVID-19 appeared.

Even as we begin “opening back up” there is still so much confusion, uncertainty and fear. We are living in unprecedented times, facing a disease we have been taught to fear. We are facing the loss of our incomes, jobs, and businesses; we (parents) have been thrust into the role of teacher as we navigate distance learning; we miss our friends and our families. Some of us are also concerned about what the world will look like on the other side of this wondering what is “really” going on behind the scenes: economic collapse, martial law, one-world-order, global currency, forced vaccinations, secret installation of deadly 5G…. Unfortunately we’ve already seen many deaths due not to the coronavirus itself but depression, suicide, abuse, domestic violence, and other ailments that people won’t seek medical help for because they’re too afraid of going to a hospital. This also doesn’t take into account the effects of the soon-to-come untested vaccines that may be forced on us and the effects of devastatingly strong 5G radiation that will take a little more time to manifest. Maybe you don’t buy into all that “conspiracy theory” stuff; maybe you’re just struggling with your “new normal;” but wherever you land on the spectrum, I think we can all agree the future is uncertain. It’s hard to plan for the future when you don’t know if you’ll be able to work or if it’s safe to even leave your house. How do you plan birthday parties, weddings, graduations? How do you decide whether or not to move into that new house, buy that new car, move forward with that anniversary vacation, or maybe even bring a baby into the world? It reminds me a little bit of the verse in Scripture I Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see in a mirror dimly,[…]” . The future is blurry to say the least.

Here’s the thing that has hit me though: the future has always been blurry. Not one of us is able to know what next year, next month, or the next minute holds. We live with the false assumption that we can know what’s coming next. We assume things will be as we plan them to be. We assume that life will carry on in an expected way – and a lot of times it does work out that way; and our plans come to fruition; and we get to live to see the next day; but the truth is, we never really know. People die every single day of all kinds of expected and unexpected causes. People get fired or laid off from their jobs every day. Some people struggle with anxiety and depression and even abuse as a way of life. The elderly living in assisted living facilities already live in near isolation – not able to leave their “home” and just waiting for a glimpse of their loved ones. So what is it that is making this current situation seem so extra frightening? I think it’s the loss of the illusion that we are somehow in control. We are all dealing with how to just get through the next hour with an acute awareness that we have no idea what to expect tomorrow and there’s not much we can do about it.

Max Lucado writes in his book Anxious for Nothing that “gridlock is the ultimate loss of control.” This struck me as the perfect analogy to what we are all experiencing right now – gridlock. We feel stuck and trapped and uncertain. We are gridlocked and feel wildly out of control. He goes on to say

“There is no predictability, just stress. ANXIETY INCREASES AS PERCEIVED CONTROL DIMINISHES. So what do we do? Control everything? […] Never enter a restaurant without bringing your own clean silverware? Never leave the house without a gas mask?”

Sound familiar anyone?!?!?! I literally laughed out loud when I read this last part. It’s so true of us right now. We are living in fear and anxiety because we feel out of control. So really….what DO we do?

Scripture tells us in Philippians 4 (vs 4-8) to “be anxious for nothing.” But how do we actually and practically do that? Philippians 4 also gives us the answer: by rejoicing in the Lord, praying with thanksgiving, and meditating on things that are good and true. We can rejoice in the fact that we have a good and sovereign God who is in control of our seemingly out-of-control world. We can rejoice that we have a God who is always on the throne even when our manmade kingdoms seem to be failing. Philippians 4 also gives us a promise of peace if we submit our fears, worry, and control to God. So….

If anxiety increases as perceived control diminishes,

then anxiety decreases when we realize that it’s NOT out of control but in complete control of a good and sovereign God.

I’ve also been reading a Biblical fiction series by Lynn Austin about the reign of King Hezikiah and his ancestors. When I turned to Scripture to read about it further I came across this prophecy from Isaiah – the prophet during his reign. (ch 8)

“You are not to say, ‘It is a conspiracy!’
In regard to all that this people call a conspiracy,
And you are not to fear ^[n]what they fear or be in dread of it.
¹³ “It is the Lord of hosts whom you should regard as holy.
And He shall be your fear,
And He shall be your dread.
¹⁴ “Then He shall become a sanctuary;
[…] ¹⁷ And I will wait for the Lord who is hiding His face from the house of Jacob; ¹⁸ Behold, I and the children whom the Lord has given me are for signs and wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts, who dwells on Mount Zion.

Moving forward how can we still have clear 20/20 vision in this very un-clear 2020? I’ll tell you what I’ve learned. I’ve learned to turn off my newsfeed, stop watching every update and reading every article about what’s happening and what might happen and what the latest conspiracy theory is. I’ve recognized that I’ve never really been in control, so this is nothing new or different. I’ve been reminded constantly not to fear because God is sovereign – not the government, not the WHO, not the CDC. I’ve been directed repeatedly to the clear vision already laid out for me by God: to raise my children to know and love Him; to serve Him while I wash dishes, change diapers, and teach math; to honor and respect my husband; to show kindness and patience even when I’m frustrated; and to show humility and seek forgiveness when I fail.

Ultimately, I am able to keep my vision clear even when the future is blurry by focusing my eyes on Jesus – the author and perfecter of my faith. (Heb 12:2)