Ripples and Waves

Last year I stood here at INSPIRE with several women. Today I stood here alone.

I experienced waves of different emotions this weekend-excitement, nervousness, disappointment, inspiration, discouragement, motivation, joy, thankfulness, heartache, a sense of responsibility.

INSPIRE-our annual Trades of Hope retreat-is something I look forward to every year. It’s a chance to get away, dress fancy, spend time with other like-minded mission-minded women, be inspired, and walk away with renewed passion to empower women out of poverty through sustainable business.

I have been a Compassionate Entrepreneur with Trades of Hope for over three and a half years. I came in at the early stages when there were less than 1,000 of us. I joined this missional company because of a desire to be part of something bigger than myself that was far-reaching, life-changing, and eternity-impacting. I quickly found myself being more successful than I expected, and soon my desire to do just a small good thing also became a way for me to achieve my dream of becoming a stay-at-home mom.

After about a year, lots of prayers, lots of fears, and some excitement, I made the decision to walk away from a career I had loved for a decade – teaching high school and middle school science. Trades of Hope became more important to me than ever as I was counting on it to provide enough supplemental income to help us continue to pay our bills. I was fully confident in my decision, and I knew without a doubt it was what God had led me to do.

I spent the next year working really hard at my business. I began to build a team of like-minded women who wanted to join me in changing lives while empowering themselves as well. I partied like a rockstar and won several awards for sales and leadership. I even competed in a pageant with the platform of empowering women out of poverty. I won the title of Mrs. Florida and used my title to meet new women, speak at women’s events, and share the mission of Trades of Hope. However, slowly but surely things changed.

Shortly after my pageant I found out I was pregnant with our third child. My third trimester came with some complications and I delivered early via C-section at 37 weeks. This was followed by a slower than I expected recovery including some postpartum anxiety like I had never experienced before. I took several months off from my business. Also around this time, many of my teammates began to slowly trickle away.  When I was ready to jump back in it wasn’t as easy as I had expected. On top of this, almost four months after our daughter was born my husband lost his job. So here I was with an infant, two older children, a business I had let fall to the wayside, and our family’s breadwinner without a job.

Surprising myself, I felt at peace knowing God would provide and that He had a bigger plan.  My husband quickly attended real estate school, passed his exam for his license on the first try, and joined an amazing real estate company within a month. However, waiting for that first closing and first paycheck took months. In the interim I started another job as an online ESL teacher with VIPKID, my husband picked up another side job, and I was able to make a transfer into our account from money I had previously earned and saved from Trades of Hope.

However, with my new job and three girls, I continued to Trades of Hope sit quietly to the side touching it only occasionally. Soon my husband began to achieve success in his new career, and I was enjoying my regular paycheck and fun job teaching again. I found that the “need” I once had for Trades of Hope to provide my family with income was no longer there. Still, I had purchased my ticket to INSPIRE a year ago, and I was looking forward to our annual retreat. I was excited and in need of rest.

Being at INSPIRE this year was harder for me than I expected. In the years past I had been joined by friends and teammates, but this year I attended alone as both the team I had built as well as several women who had mentored me were no longer part of our company. Also, since I had taken so much time away there were no awards or recognitions for me this year. For my achievement-driven self this was hard. But, I made new friends, reconnected with acquaintances, was inspired and uplifted, had fun wearing fancy dresses and dancing, and received beautiful products.  But here’s my biggest takeaway….

While I didn’t find myself in great need of Trades of Hope anymore I was reminded that SHE still needs ME desperately.

She is Maria in Guatemala.

She is Shirley in Haiti.

She is Ya in Cambodia.

She is Florence in Uganda.

These are real women, with real names and real faces-some of whom I’ve met and hugged and smiled with and danced with and thrown confetti with. They are mothers and sisters and friends and wives and daughters. They are in the trenches of this partnership with their hands fully extended. They show up for this dignified work every single day because it matters to them. In fact, it’s life or death for many of them. Literally. So while my disappointment in myself tempts me to believe “maybe I don’t need this anymore” or “I’ll never be able to rebuild what I had,” or “maybe it’s time to move on,” the truth of the matter is that I do need this. I can still make a difference in her life. She is counting on me to show up and rise up so she can keep and feed her baby; so she never has to sell her body for money again; so she can have dignified work and a hope for the future. No matter how small my stone may be today, when I throw it into the water it still creates a ripple that will reach across the ocean to her in Kenya, in Jordan, in India, in Bangladesh.

Last year I stood here at INSPIRE with several women. Today I stood here alone.

But nonetheless I stood. I came. I showed up. I cast my stone, and it mattered. I hope and pray that as I work hard for Her that my ripples will grow, and that when I stand here again next year I will have an army of freedom fighters standing alongside me.  But whether I do or whether I don’t, I know that my ripples, no matter the size, are creating waves of change as they reach the women around the world that will affect them and their families for generations to come as I partner with her to change the cycle of poverty. 

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.

Proverbs 31:8

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.

Isaiah 61:1-3