I Am Not Enough
»»I am not enough.
I am not enough for my kids.
I am not enough for my husband.
I am not skinny enough.
I am not pretty enough.
I am not nice enough.
I am not __[fill in the blank]__ enough.
I’m just not.
I know the more popular mantra is “I am enough,” but the truth is I’m not. I am not enough for all the people in my life. I am not good enough at all the things. I never will be. And I shouldn’t want to be.
I know that the heart behind “I am enough” is that you and I have value and worth. We absolutely do. I don’t think that anyone should feel “less than” or unworthy of love (God loves you!); but I do think that telling ourselves we are enough can sometimes put the focus in the wrong place for two reasons.
- First of all,
It’s not our job to be enough for our “people.” It’s not healthy for one person to be everything to someone (co-dependency anyone?), and what a burden it would be to carry the weight of living up to the responsibility of being someone’s all-in-all!?!
As parents, it may seem at first that our kids solely rely on us, but as they get older they need other things that we can’t give them. They need friends/peers, teachers, alone time, and eventually maybe even significant others (bleh…) Even adults need different types of relationships in their lives to meet different needs: spouse, friends, parents, siblings, etc… We can either be sad about it or realize that it’s part of life. We weren’t designed to be everything for every person. Most importantly, if I were enough for my kids, my husband or my friends, where would that leave room for them to seek a relationship with Jesus?
Not only does knowing that I’m not meant to be enough for my kids/spouse/friends/etc… free me, it also releases them from my expectations.
I don’t expect any one person to meet all of my needs; and therefore, I’m less likely to be upset with someone when they don’t. It’s not my job to be enough, and it’s not anyone else’s either. That is God’s job, and His shoulders are big enough to carry that weight and responsibility.
- Secondly,
Our adequacy is not derived from how talented we are, how successful we are, or how good we are at something. Our worth is not dependent on our kids’ good behavior, our relationship with our husband, or how many friends we have (on Facebook or in real life). Our value is not determined by what we contribute monetarily, how often we serve in our community, or how many shoe boxes we fill at Christmas time.
»»» Our adequacy, our worth, and our value are ONLY found in Christ. »»»
I realize that the slogan “I am enough” is viewed differently by different people based on the lenses through which we view life. However, I do know that we would be remiss to view this sentiment as meaning that we in and of ourselves are capable of being good enough through our own abilities.
In His eyes we are worthy and loved just as we are simply because we are His (much the same way you love your children despite their faults simply because they are yours.) And thank goodness, because our natural selves are sinful and incapable of anything good apart from the grace of God and the blood of Jesus. (Isaiah 64:6; Romans 3:23). No matter how hard we try, how much we work, or how many “good deeds” we do, we will never be good “enough.” None of us will or can achieve perfection in any area in this life, so as long as we spend our days striving to “be enough” we will be sorely disappointed and we will always miss the mark.
I mean who determines what is enough anyway? No matter how much money you make, you can always make more. No matter how fit you are, you can always be fitter. No matter how great of a mom you are, you can always do better. No matter how good you are at your job, you can always achieve more. Not only that, no matter how good you are at any of these, there will always be someone that is better. It’s a viscous endless cycle.
I think that the mantra “I am enough” attempts to free us from the pressure of keeping up with the Jones’s, doing more, and being more; but I think that even more freeing is knowing that we were designed by a perfect Creator that loves us just the way we are, and that even though we aren’t good enough or perfect enough or smart enough – we are LOVED enough.
««« YOU ARE LOVED ENOUGH. »»»
It is because of HIS great love for you that He provides all that you need, when you need it, and in just the right amounts.
I think that when when we start to feel down on ourselves instead of seeking compliments or affirmations; trying to list off our accomplishments, good deeds and great qualities; trying to downplay the negatives; and overall trying to puff ourselves up to make ourselves feel better… Maybe – just maybe – we should try pointing to the sufficiency and grace of God. It’s OK to admit that we are’t good at something. It’s OK to acknowledge that we didn’t get it right. It is in our weaknesses that He is made strong. He is a perfect Creator, and our shortcomings are not mistakes or oversights. They are opportunities for us to rely on Him and press into Him. That is where real freedom is found. That is how the pressure to do more and be more can be truly released.
If we look at both Moses (Exodus 4:10-13) and Gideon (Judges 6:15-16) we will see this in action. Both of these men were called by God to do something big and great and wonderful, but both of these men immediately started listing off their inadequacies and basically saying “But God, I’m not _____ enough!” Moses was slow of speech and a murderer! Gideon was the least of his family in the least of the tribes of Israel in a time of oppression. Did God try to puff these men up? Did God start boosting their self esteem by praising their good qualities and talents? Did He tell them that their inadequacies were figments of their imaginations? No. In both cases, God pointed to Himself as the source of all things. In both cases God replied with “I will help you.” and “I will be with you.” That, my friends, is all we need!
»»» We do not need to be enough because God is enough. «««
Instead of trying to ingrain the mantra of “I am enough” into our heads, we would be better off reminding ourselves that “God is enough” and that His love and His power and His Spirit in us are enough.
One of the most quoted verses in all of Scripture is probably Philippians 4:13. In context it reads:
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
We are quick to pull out verse 13 – and often not even in it’s entirety – to make the bold claim that we.can.do.it. We can accomplish whatever we set our minds to. We can work hard to be the best. We can control our destiny. But that’s not what this verse is telling us.
Phil 4:13 is NOT the secret to being the best you you can be. It is not about arriving at the place where we can finally feel like we are enough. Phil 4:13 is telling us that the secret to being CONTENT (the secret to being enough and having enough) in any and every circumstance is knowing that GOD IS WITH US.
We are not great, but God is. We are not worthy of praise, but God is.
I know that I am not enough; but I’m OK with that because God is enough and He is with me.
