I just need some ALONE time
Several months ago over Thanksgiving break our family went to visit my in-laws in West Virginia. They have a cozy home situated on top of a mountain with a beautiful backyard, a warm fireplace, and reclining chairs. One morning I woke up before everyone else, went downstairs and made a fresh, hot cup of coffee, grabbed my Bible, and sat down in one of those comfy recliners. I inhaled deeply. The smell of my coffee. The quiet in the house. The anticipation of getting to dive into Scripture with God and my coffee and no distractions. and then…
My youngest appeared at my feet, wanting in my lap followed by the other two coming down the stairs ready for breakfast and finally my husband behind them. I groaned. Not a silent, inner groan, but a 5-year-old-not-getting-her-way-groan.
My husband looked at me a little incredulously. I tried to explain that I had just sat down to enjoy coffee and quiet time with Jesus and now I was being interrupted. I mean, I’m trying to do something godly here! He was gracious and took the girls to the kitchen to make breakfast so I could read. Not exactly the quiet, relaxing moment I had planned, but it would do.
I opened my Bible to where I had left off in my chronological study, and Matthew 14:13 “happened” to be the first verse I read:
“When Jesus heard it, He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself. “
“Ah ha! See! Even Jesus retreated to a “deserted place” to be alone!” God was totally speaking directly to me! I knew my desire to be alone and my aggravation for not getting to be had just been confirmed by God. I even called my husband over to show him. Continuing on…
“But when the multitudes heard it, they followed Him on foot from the cities.”
“OMG! This keeps getting better! Jesus had people following Him around too, and He just needed to get away.” Jesus, I so feel You right now.
and THEN…
“And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick. When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying, ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. Send the multitudes away, that they may go into the villages and buy themselves food.'” But Jesus said to them, ‘They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.’”
At that moment all my pride and self-righteousness shattered to the ground.
When they followed Him to what was supposed to be a deserted place – a quiet place – a time for Him to be alone with His Father – He WAS MOVED WITH COMPASSION FOR THEM and He DIDN’T SEND THEM AWAY. He healed them and fed them and in fact performed a miracle that day.
God was indeed speaking directly to me that morning, but not in the way I first interpreted. God wasn’t speaking to give me justification for my aggravation, but to humble me and remind me to show compassion.
Just as Jesus needed retreat, so did I.
Just as Jesus’ plans were interrupted, so were mine.
Just as Jesus’ followers tagged alone, so did mine.
Just as Jesus was inconvenienced, so was I.
Just as Jesus had compassion on His followers, I DID NOT.
Self-righteousness obliterated, I finished reading the passage about the feeding of the 5,000. and then continued to the next portion of Scripture. (Sometimes when there’s a heading change in our Bible, we tend to stop reading, but that’s not always where the story ends. I’m so glad I didn’t stop at the heading change because God wasn’t done with me that morning.)
“Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away. And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.”
Jesus still got His alone time. He still retreated. He still got away alone to be with God – to rest, to rejuvenate and to pray.
There are two takeaways from this that have really stuck with me.
The first was just confirmation that alone time with the Lord is 100% essential. It is both commanded by God and modeled by Jesus. We should never use motherhood or business or tiredness as an excuse to not spend time in the Word. Time with Him is how we tap into the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to go about our day and accomplish His purposes.
The second was a rude awakening for me. While alone time is necessary, it’s not about “me time” and “self-care” but about “God time” and “soul-care.” “Me time” and “self-care” are just that – all about ME. When the focus of alone time becomes all about me then it becomes selfish and doesn’t produce what we ultimately are wanting and needing. When our focus is on ourselves and our mindset is that we deserve this then we are more easily annoyed when we get interrupted or inconvenienced.
“Me-time” and “Self-care” may make you feel better in the moment, but if you walk away unchanged and without putting on the heart of God which is a “heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience”(Colossians 3;12) then you’ve missed the whole point. God is a God of compassion, and spending time with Him should equip us to walk through our day with our eyes open to the needs of others. Our time should be seen as an opportunity to put His compassion into practice.
“Compassion is willing to be inconvenienced” even when we think we are in the middle of doing something “godly” like reading our Bible with our coffee in a comfy recliner. “Compassion compels us” to move toward someone and not away from them, even when it’s inconvenient.**
**Priscilla Shirer; Awaken; pg 220
